To my Soulmates :-)

It's strange how life takes us on many journeys and this one in particular is one that has shown me that life does bestow us with gifts that we are unable to comprehend and imagine. This is to them. I know I haven't been the best of friends and neither have I have I had the courage to face my demons but what I do know is that the love I feel for them is immeasurable. Sometimes the force of what I feel for them takes even me by surprise and I know that I can't share it with anyone coz most people would call me crazy or even scary. But I do know how I can show them that I care for them and that is by dedicating this post to them. Its a piece of my heart that I can give them and that is all I can afford.

I went on their wedsite yesterday and what I saw made me smile, made me a bit sad, made me feel like I am missing so much, made me feel liberated, made me feel like life's gifts are many and some of us are lucky enough to receive them. You guys are lucky and so am I so don't worry, I'm not moping or even feeling depressed, I am happy. I am happy for my soulmates coz they have found in each other what our generation looks for desperately but can't seem to find....a companion whom you can rely on, love, treasure and cherish; a companion who you can spend the rest of your life waking up to to see the love for each other grow every morning as you discover that your life's moments are complete coz they are shared and enjoyed with each other.

To you guys... I may not be around but I will love you always....No matter what...

This one is for Keeps!!!!

This post is exactly what it means... this one is for keeps so ladies back off!!!

Two days back I wrote a post on my friends and how blessed I am with them in my life. I'm still waiting for a happy ending so I want to hear it the second it happens - do u hear me??!!! If not I will come there and whack the heck out of you guys ;-)

But this one is for you - Ben. When u fell in my lap, I was like what the heck??!! Is the universe testing me or messing with my head. I didn't understand why I couldn't have an uncomplicated single life where my mind wasn't messing with my heart. But no matter how hard I tried to push you away it worked in reverse. The more I pushed, u just seemed to slide right in. And no matter how hard I was with you or how hard I was with myself when it came to you, we just made it through it all. You reminded me how life is precious and we can make the most of it. Of coz we had ample of "help" getting it together!!! But at this point I can't thank them enough for their "help".

Of coz you had never had a relationship and I was queen of them, so us coming together was just so scary.... Even the thought of me being with you after being in a loving relationship for so long before that... God!!! It made my heart clench with fear!!! But when we clicked all this just didn't matter... it was just you and me and the way we made each other feel in such a short while. The greatest part was that you understood me and let me be the way i was, fell in love with me as i was - childish, crazy and completely erratic... u even adjusted to my mood swings which is a lot to say considering even i cant handle my mood swings at times :-)

And now when I look back at our time together, so much has changed for the better. I could never imagine seeing us the way we are, where I share my fears, my elations and everything that I feel with you (trust me I am a tough nut to crack when it comes to opening up!!!) And I cant help it coz I know it will sound so clichéd - but cant thank you enough for loving me.

Sometimes when I look back and see how mysteriously we have met and been brought together, its like a dream. But this is no dream. This is our reality and I`m wide awake and trying to make the most of it. Thank you Ben. Thank you for making me feel alive and not alone....

This one is for keeps!!!

Happy Endings

Its been a while since I have written on my blog and I know I could have created time to give it some attention but I didn't have the heart on any other day. But today is another story. Today I feel extremely happy and for some reason a bit less lost than the past couple of weeks. Today I spoke to my friend and all that mattered between us was the love of a friendship that isn't marred by anything corrupt or untruthful. Today I found my friend as I remember him to be... honest, caring, loving, charming and most importantly like a rock- steady and never moving.

I don't know what I have done to deserve so many blessings in my life. My family who has always stuck by me no matter what. My friends who I cherish and love like we are bounded by blood itself, my guru who i never understand most time but understands me and is always guiding me, my gift of dance, my gift with children, my relationships, people who have loved me or love me rite now....

At times I wonder why I don't remember to thank God for so much and on days like today I am reminded that I should be grateful for these gifts and treasures.

Thank you is all I can say that can encompass my gratitude at this point. My feelings are surging within me and I feel like I'm going to overspill... and the feelings are so powerful that I have no way of controlling them, maybe that's why I have turned to u.. because maybe at the end of this post I will feel lighter and will feel like I have channeled my feelings into something positive and thanked God for what is and always will be a blessing for me.

Thank you my friend for making me feel a bit at peace. U have always known how to do it and I can't thank u enough.

Im sorry I never had the courage to see us through but I know deep down we will always be connected and there is someone out there for you who will bring the stars down to u and I pray each day that she finds u and makes my friend the happiest heart in this Universe.

To u both...

I wait to see a happy ending.....

Another bout of randomness

So i could not resist and sent off my new blog page to all my gals and as i suspected,they had a good laugh and went thru the reactions that i had predicted.... maybe i have the makings of being an Oracle?!!! Do u think that would do me a world of good? Dressed in long flowing bohemian robes with a turban on my head, kohl eyes and lots of chunky beaded jewellery with big bangles that clanked every time i moved. hahahahaha... that would definitely do me a world of good, laughing my head off at myself that is. well u know what they say laughter is the best medicine, even if the joke is on you.

So its day 2 and since I'm home again and doing nothing much with my restless energy, I obviously thought of randomness!!! So here i am again banging away on my laptop.

Oh! before i forget to mention, my big brother is in town for 3 days!! Its been an age since Jonathan, Cher and me have been together in our house (not that they aren't off to work and aren't really home for us to be together), but nevertheless here we are just like aeons ago. Its strange to see how life has come to become what it is for all three of us. Jonathan married with three darling/devilish kids and Cher,not so married but with 2 devilish/darling kids! and me here back to square one - no marriage, no kids. Its almost like life moved on for them and stood still for me. Not that i have no hopes of attaining martial bliss and being blessed with the lil ones, but when i look back on my life even if just the last 10 years, nothing seems to have changed except everyone and everything around me. I seem to be stuck in a time warp of some kind. Of coz when i mean nothing's changed for me, i don't mean it literally. I have changed in some ways - I've grown a tad bit more responsible and maybe a dash more wiser. Learned to love,live and sustain meaningful friendships.I'm still in the process of learning to be a good aunt - someone with a bit of mischief and not such a stick in the mud. But while the changes within me are ongoing and as I have come to know, an ongoing process till the end of my life I can think about it another day. What concerns me is what I am today is still the same as I was yesterday.

Ok hang on a sec, i think i confused me. What I meant was that somethings in my life haven't budged an inch. I still live in the same house, still have the same childhood friends, still shop at the same grocers and have the same milkman deliver milk every morning to our house. The part that is most striking though is my love for dance.It hasn't wavered even once. Actually it has. There are many times when i see others move on in life to things that fulfill them and when they meet me they all say the same thing - "wow!! ur still dancing and that too with the same school!!" Most days it doesn't even faze me but someday's it baffles me to a point where I wonder my reasons for staying here. There are many thankfully enough to last me a life time I hope!! I do love what I do and I am grateful for my gifts that i am able to share with many around. And even though I may not be any good or in my prime for a dancer, it still refreshes me and uplifts my spirit. I know at this point there are many things I can do to make myself better and I know as always I need a good enough reason to do something. Maybe that's the answer to my life being at a standstill- I can't seem to jump start myself into anything.

So here I am trying to find some answers in my thoughts,no matter how random they are. I do realize that no one has figured out the intricacies of life, but it wouldn't hurt to know the best way I can feel fulfilled and go through every day without the fear that my spirit is suffocating in the mundaneness of the boredom that settles in my mind daily. Ok, I think this is somehow ending too seriously and its not at all that bad. Trust me to get all melodramatic about daily ramblings!! Gosh - thank God I'm not an important person or else I would melt at the mere mention of a scratch!! hahaha!!! Ok sorry not that bad either , i'm made of sterner stuff I'm sure.

So anyhow, I am certain that I'm a pretty normal woman living a normal existence who's heart is in the right place and has the mind of a 15 year old (obvious through my literary works!!!) going through her life, trying her hand at love and wondering if she will ever transform from a duckling to a swan!!

Mentioning swan - I did transform into one - it was the biggest swan anyone has seen till date and it even made one half of a heart!! Lucky me don't you think!!!! :-) If this last part has thrown you in a tizzy, ur in the same place as anyone who reads this; coz even though i can sit to explain, I could never cover the enormity of what it felt like being a larger than life form!!!

On this happy note its me signing off......

I have been thinking of writing this for a while now but was just too lazy to actually get down to doing it. Now that I'm on and I have finally moved passed the boredom and the laziness and got myself a blank page to ramble along - i seem to be at a loss....hopefully not for long!

There are many things i have in mind that i would like to share with this page but for some reason the process of getting this simple page has dampened my stupor and made me as uninspired and uncreative as a broomstick!!! (that analogy doesn't even make sense - see what i mean!!)

But i do know why i am here finally and what gave me the push i needed to get here. They are my friends in Canada. I never thought i would live apart from them once i fell head over heels in love with every single one of them. They made my life complete in more ways than i would care to share here (considering this is a public page and im not sure how they will react to my PDA!!! hahahaha), but they are why i am grateful to the higher source. Some one told me once - learn to count our blessings!!! I never actually got down to doing it but today as i sit on my lounge with my laptop on my lap, typing away, i know exactly who i can be thankful for.

This ones for you - I don't know if you guys will ever read this page but this is for you!!! if they read this, there will be mixed reactions from all. Tash the writer will find this extremely entertaining. The ones who will melt completely will be Puppet and Soy for sure. Eeyore will secretly melt. Di will in her sweet manner melt and then get big momma on me and last but not the least KJ will roll her awfully big scrat eyes and call me flat out Gay!!!! hahahahahahahaha

Oh yeah - we the most popular gang in town ladies and gentlemen - the kind that makes you wish we weren't born coz we seem to be a bunch who has it all!!!!

To my chickas i want to say - lets keep the love flowing!!!

Like i said this is me - Randomness galore :-)